Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Paul Krugman

since the fall laura has been putting the tv on NBC News and Dateline at 7 every night. at first i missed my celebrity gossip. jessica simpson is fat? sweet! finally art is imitating life! 

after a while i got over it, plus Brian Williams is pretty cute even if his face is glued on sideways. the world is ending because of the economy? better entertainment for me! especially since i'm still going to get to lounge and get fed either way. but hanging around licking myself has grown tiresome lately, and everyone is always around too. it's annoying. i don't want people watching me play with my orange rope or blissfully sleeping under the plant in the corner... that's just creepy. i want them to get jobs and get the hell out.

this is why i showed up at Paul Krugman's house. he loves cats and is the perfect vessel for me to disperse my vast knowledge of economics. i've been sneaking down to new york for a while now and thanks to me, Paul Krugman is now famous for my New Trade Theory. my trade theory is genius, and with any luck it will fix the economy and get laura and sue out of the house so i can sneak down and sleep on their pillows.

i love being a genius. plus how many cats have you seen photographed for TIME magazine's 100 most influential people? yeah, that's what i thought.

Friday, October 31, 2008


i hate laura and her friends. they keep spilling shit and are petting me and left me outside for 3 hours. i think... i am just going to lick my area right now.

they are dressed up all stupid and jay is laughing like a young girl.

i really just wanted them to dress me up as a bumblebee, someday they'll catch on... one of these years they'll catch on to my clues. the clover honey that noone knows where it came from, the piles of yellow and black things i arrange into stripes... the bee corpses i hunt and place in lifelike positions on their pillows every night next to a nugget of my kitty kibble.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008


can we talk about all the stupid fucking names i get called in a day?

shimma kitten
shimma girl
shit-stinking mess

i'm beginning to wonder why they even bothered naming me

i'm amazing

today laura poured water on the ground where she knew i'd step to lick the rim of her glass of water. it was cold and scary, so i sneezed in her glass... twice. 

it was sweet revenge, but not sweet enough, so i decided to up my game. 

i tore up all the newspaper near the litter box and made the loudest scene of pooing in my whole life, stunk up the house, got it all up in my fur and then jumped on her and pranced around the room covered in stinking mess. 

i win.