halloween

i hate laura and her friends. they keep spilling shit and are petting me and left me outside for 3 hours. i think... i am just going to lick my area right now.

they are dressed up all stupid and jay is laughing like a young girl.

i really just wanted them to dress me up as a bumblebee, someday they'll catch on... one of these years they'll catch on to my clues. the clover honey that noone knows where it came from, the piles of yellow and black things i arrange into stripes... the bee corpses i hunt and place in lifelike positions on their pillows every night next to a nugget of my kitty kibble.

someday...

names

can we talk about all the stupid fucking names i get called in a day?

shimma

shimm-baby

shimm-babe

shimma kitten

shimma girl

shiiiiiimmaaaaaa

babes

cripple

shit-stinking mess

i'm beginning to wonder why they even bothered naming me

i'm amazing

today laura poured water on the ground where she knew i'd step to lick the rim of her glass of water. it was cold and scary, so i sneezed in her glass... twice. 

it was sweet revenge, but not sweet enough, so i decided to up my game. 

i tore up all the newspaper near the litter box and made the loudest scene of pooing in my whole life, stunk up the house, got it all up in my fur and then jumped on her and pranced around the room covered in stinking mess. 

i win.